Filthy Shades of Grey

As covered in our first post, we East Coast folks have an intrinsic love of that round, bread-y, cheesy, tomato-y goodness known as pizza. But pizza love is worldwide. Even if those poor folks in India are stuck with nothing better than the ketchup-and-whitebread-tasting disappointment that is Pizza Hut, they fucking love it. Because it's universal, people. Kids from 1 to 92 enjoy themselves a slice of the good stuff. It's comfort. It's nourishment. It's happiness. It's innocence. THAT'S pizza.

But in this world, there are a number of things that are NOT pizza. So for today's post, I present you with Fifty Shades of Grey. 

Copyright 2015 Universal Studios

Now I'm all for guilty pleasures, and I'll admit that I've read the books, but they've become a world-wide PHENOMENON, and that's just all levels of disturbing. Twilight was stupid (fun fact, Fifty was originally created as Twilight fan fiction), but at least it was PG and relatively harmless. This is hardcore, messed up, explict to the nth degree, bullshit. The fact that it got a movie deal was sad. The fact that it broke boxoffice records for an R-rated move release, sadder. 

Just like mayo-sauced pizza, this is something that you try once and then look back upon with a little self-loathing. 

Fifty (Filthy) Shades. Not a pizza.